The "Perfect Match"

Marriage. I feel like it's something that most twenty-somethings are getting involved with in some way or another. Whether it's dating apps or real-life, everyone seems to be trying to get with somebody. 

Everyone who wants to date or get married is looking for someone who will be a "perfect match" for them. 

As for me, the extent of my interactions with marriage related affairs is mostly through jokes that my mother makes from time-to-time, or as a Peace Corps volunteer, random marriage proposals from every man that walked in front of me (all of which I rejected). Recently, I finished watching the new Netflix show Indian MatchMaking. As someone who's familiar with arranged marriages (and a product of one), but doesn't want one for myself, the show really opened my eyes to the extremely problematic nature of algorithmic matchmaking. Whether it's Tinder, family, or Sima from Mumbai, unrealistic beauty and behavioral standards that are rooted in colonialism and patriarchy continue to steer people's romantic pursuits. 

According to the show, no one wants to marry someone who isn't fair-skinned and/or slim, a man should make enough money to be able to support a family, and the woman has to be the one to make all of the compromises. Oh and, forget getting remarried if you're divorced or a single parent. The truth is that while the show reinforces so many harmful and unrealistic social norms, that is the way that society still functions. 

We've all been brainwashed to believe that proximity to whiteness and thinness inherently makes someone more attractive. Because, fatphobia and colonial beauty standards fuel our image of what is attractive. And of course, if men aren't "wealthy enough" to "fulfill their role" as the primary breadwinner, they're therefore unable to take care of their family and are "unworthy" of marriage. As if both partners don't have earning capacity and building a family is not about partnership. And lastly, if you can't make a marriage last a life-time, then you shouldn't even think about finding a different partner; completely erasing the number of reasons why people get divorced. As if everyone doesn't deserve to feel safe, loved, and cared for in a relationship. 

I too, was recently told by man that I'd be "better off" if I was married and that a woman's dignity resides inside the home. And, that if I continue to live how I want I might make an unrepairable mistake because "not all the glitters is gold". As if women are unable to make decisions on their own and need men in their lives for the sole purpose of being taken care of. As if a relationship isn't about mutual support. 

In my personal opinion, marriage is about mutual love and support. Human relationships aren't supposed to be filtered through bio datas, computer algorithms, or the alignment of the stars in the sky. They're supposed to be organic and rooted in mutual feelings of love and care. So, just because your bio datas, Tinder profiles, or stars match-up with another person doesn't mean you'll match in real-life. 

Marriage is not a business transaction where you're looking for the "perfect deal" on a high quality product. Because in reality, there's no such thing as a "perfect match".